KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Can he quit meth (methamphetamine) and how will I know?

I left my husband a year ago and moved 800 miles away. It started nine years ago at the beginning of our marriage when I found a small container in his pocket that looked to be crank. At the time, I was clueless and ran to the police with in my house shoes to find out what it was. I immediately told his family and we intervened. Nothing happened except him saying he would not do it anymore and that he did not have a problem. From then on, I don't think he ever quit for more than a short period of time. I was and am still so confused. I have found so many different things associated with drug abuse over the years. When I approached him, he would always deny and we would end up in a huge fight. I just wanted him to say, "okay, I have been using and I will quit". He drew the last straw when I caught him with a young girl having sex and watched him use. I couldn't believe my eyes for both reasons. After reading the message about meth making people very horny, I thought maybe that had something to do with it. He says now that he has quit. But the last time I went for a visit he slept most of the time, he would get up and visit and function, but once he got still he was out. He got very angry at times and would go from violently mad to crying like crazy. I am so confused. Can someone quit this stuff on their own? I am scared to go back to him without demanding drug counseling. He says he will go, but he never gets around to it. He wants me and the kids to come back home. But I am afraid of me being there and going to jail with him. And what about the kids? How will I know if he has quit? What are the signs? What is rock bottom? I have demanded relocation of our family away from the friends, but will that help? Eight years of drug use is a long time, what will it take? I just wish he would realize that I love him and want my family together desperately, but I don't want to live with someone who uses. And what about pills off the street? Sometimes he says that is all he uses for his back. But do you have to smoke them, snort them? Is that possible to do with pain pills? Is my husband a junkie and I don't want to see it? I am so hurt, angry, and confused. I can't ever make sense with him. He doesn't understand. I want to help him, but do not know how.
-Jenn

Replies

ksparks -
   As teachers I find we want to help everyone that is why we do what we do. Can he quit certainly, will he is another story. He has a lot to prove to you. You have nothing to prove to him. We are resilient beings and can forgive a lot, but he has to want it as well. Let him come to you. If he does you know he is taking the first step toward healing the wounds he inflicted. If he doesn't, and this is the part I have to believe myself, then it is his loss. You have children to raise and love focus on that and let him work on his own demons. I don't believe that means your not there to listen if he calls, but unfortunately the next move is his, not yours.

Annette -
   Jenn, First off, I would like to tell you I have been clean for over 7 years. But before my use, I was married to a man that was using, I divorced him and started my own life...That was 10 years ago. It sounds to me like you have done well for yourself and your children. You left him a year ago, and went 800 miles..I know that had to take a lot of strength. Its hard to leave someone we so dearly love and want to help. But you did it... I do believe and have a lot of faith in people and the fact they can change and be clean. I got clean on my own, I used for about 2 1/2 years..on a daily basis. I hit my bottom, and for me it was realizing that I had to change, I WANTED to change, that is the big thing, he has to want it, everyone around him can want it for him, but it has to be him. I realized, that I wanted to...I went through a lot with my children at that time, and I wanted to do it. I think some can get clean on there own, others need help, such as rehab or counseling. I was a single mom and was working and I took a week off work, had a friend watch my girls, went and got vitamins, Tylenol pm, and food, and locked myself in my duplex. And I cried, pulled my hair out at times...cried like a baby..and thought I would die..but I wanted it bad. And here I am today. I believe if your husband is serious he can do it. I do not think you should move back to him though...if you like where you live and you and the kids are happy there and such, he needs to come to you. That is your security right now..ya know what I mean? If he means business he will come to you, get away from his so called friends and try and make a life with you. As far as meth making a person horny..yes it does. But when I was using, I still knew what I was doing, just to high to care. I am here for you...Post anytime, and I will try and help you. I'm so sorry, you are going through this.. But I am proud of you..you did what a lot of women have a hard time doing.. Take Care

jordan -
   Eight years is a lllloooonnnngggggggggg time, as if you don't already know that. The truth is that he probably won't quit. But, there is that chance that he could. But probably not. Here's the question that I have for you. Can you honestly get over what he has done to you? Can you let go of the images in your mind? Will you forever wonder and be waiting for the hammer to drop. Is that the way you want to live? I know, how hard it is to accept that they will probably not change. I know, I am going through that right now. I know most of us women think our user has cheated, but it makes me absolutely incensed to have read what you had to endure. I wish, woman to woman, that you would leave his sorry ass, and find a great, loving guy, but then I am with a user myself, so who am I to give advice? I never know from day to day what's going to happen either. I am just so sorry that you have to bear this burden of drug addiction. But I believe everyone of us will make it in our own way. Please take care of yourself! Been There - Just want to say I am glad you got your kids out of the situation that was the best thing for them. Yes meth makes you horny but still not an excuse still knows his actions. You said he is a junkie? That is usually associated with heroin. Meth and morphine or heroin is both used in some people like an upper and a downer. Yes they can crush pills and mix with water and shoot it. Click below for much good info on meth and addiction. Two withdrawal lists there and "Rock Bottom" written by Angie. Good Luck.